Baby screaming in my face, can't think of a title..

*sigh* When am I going to finally get tired of being fat and do something about it? When am I going to stop using my bad back problems as an excuse to not exercise? Anyone can lose weight if they eat right and just MOVE unless they have an underlying health problem like a thyroid condition or something. Maybe I will lose the extra 20 lbs when I stop nursing Violet? I am so hungry all the time. I graze, but I don't always. Sometimes i'll go most of the day without eating because my pain medicine curbs my appetite. I know it sounds horrible but I hope that when I am done nursing Violet that my insurance will cover Topamax for my pain. Many of my female relatives that have nerve back pain like I do have been on it and lost weight, had no more pain and could eat whatever they wanted. Oh my gosh that sounds like Heaven!! Skinny, eat what I want and be pain free!!??? Ahhhhh yes!! Sign me up!! For now though, nursing Violet makes me so happy and outweighs my hatred of my poor self image. I am in so much pain all the time but I am shooting for breastfeeding her til she's 2 yrs old. If she'll let me and I can hang that long. Since my Mom died I have really depended on the chemicals the nursing releases in my brain to keep me sane on the days I wish I could call her instead of just shut down. I'm pretty fortunate to have such a large close knit group of amazing women online that I can call my friends. Because as we all know, most friends/ people suck, and they disappear once you get married and have kids. Speaking of kids.... mine is screaming at me so i'll have to cut this short...i'll blog more later!!